Ok, so I am talking about happiness, and I work with happiness skills. But I rarely talk about the outcome. Mostly because it’s a work in progress – there is no goal or finish line. But let me dive into this review.

Before I review specific areas where I changed my happiness levels, I want to point out that I’ve always been a cryer. I always cried. So much. Now, I hardly cry anymore, and when I do, it feels healthy and freeing. I also don’t feel completely overwhelmed by life anymore, my health has improved radically, and my relationships are much more relaxed and feel lighter. I laugh a lot more and feel joy instead of heavy life baggage. I struggled with the painful feeling of loneliness, which is gone. I might not be happy-chirpy each and every moment, but I’m certainly much happier and chirpier. 

Life control

The first happiness skill is understanding that you’re in control of your happiness. Nobody else, just you. Or me, in my case. I understood that around 30, and my life improved radically. From always lying in bed and never really starting or finishing a project, finding life hard and pitying myself all the time, I went to tackling projects and taking life into my hand. Life became immediately better.

Dreams

Being able to tackle life helped me to identify my dreams and work on them. I also learnt that little steps bring you closer to your dream goals, so you can work at several dreams at once. I can have a good connection with my kids, be a reader, have my own website and travel the world – sometimes even simultaneously. Some of these items require patience and time. But the happiness skill related to dreams is to enjoy the journey, not to rush it. Yes, I throw in an overused word “gratitude”. Maybe, let’s rather use appreciation, enjoyment and the ability to savour. It’s mostly NOT about reaching goals but about the journey there. That journey is full of challenges and frustration, but that’s our life. What else is our life???

So, savour that journey and enjoying the challenges is key (yes, that’s possible; maybe vent a bit and then see if you can find enjoyment). Because then you savour and enjoy life. 

Make sure to also savour, appreciate and enjoy when you reach a goal (let’s say, buy your dream house, get together with your dream partner or get that promotion). Don’t tick it off and rush towards the next. You can absolutely work towards the next goal, but make sure to appreciate reaching the previous goal. That was an absolute game-changer for me. Life became happy in the now – not just when I earn more money or get that title or job. Happiness is not a future business, it’s NOW.

Resources 

I always thought I needed more – money, time, energy. It turned out that I just need to know what I want – let’s say a big trip – and the resources will come. It’s so interesting how I find ways to make my dreams come true, even if they are ambitious. I tried to manifest a lot of money, which didn’t work. But if I manifest what I want (better relationships, better health, laughing more, travelling, reading more, whatever), it’s awesome how quickly it happens. 

Mind 

Discovering how powerful the mind is was amazing. I work with mantras, manifesting, positive thinking, mindfulness, habits and meditation. Learning a bit about the brain and how to use it is very helpful. There is so much we can do to rewrite negative beliefs that guide our whole behaviour, and it’s completely free. Meditation is helpful to declutter the mind and dispose of unhelpful or outdated stuff we keep up there. Mindfulness is important to be appreciative. Savouring and enjoying don’t work when we are not mindful. Mindfulness gets us into the present moment, which is where savouring, gratitude, enjoyment, and appreciation happen. Working actively with the mind has increased my happiness exponentially.

Health

I’ve struggled with health problems for decades. Tackling eating, moving, and resting habits has supported my ability and capacity to feel happy. Learning to eat nutritious food to nurture the body and give it energy to produce happy hormones was a game changer. Giving myself rest to restore energy another one. I mean, by just eating more greens, taking regular walks and adding some rest into my days, my happiness probably doubled. I did a lot more than that, but the first steps don’t have to be lots of work.

Connections 

I struggled with confidence and the excruciating pain of loneliness despite always having quite a lot of friends. I’ve turned that around and intentionally worked on my relationships, building nourishing long-term friendships while also enjoying small talk with community members and strengthening family bonds. I’ve accepted that I’m a bit awkward only to discover that most people are (or think they are). Since relationships are a deal-breaker in happiness terms (all that oxytocin), my happiness levels exploded.

Letting Go 

In recent years, I’ve started to understand the concept of letting go. I always thought that I’m responsible for everything or that there is right and wrong. Learning that this is all not true and that it’s about perspective was such a relief. Sometimes, I like to hang onto something and dig my teeth into something to understand or fight for what I believe is right. But I know it’s my choice – it’s not inherently right or wrong. I can let go when I feel it’s time. Often, in parts since releasing is more a process than a one-time act. In the big picture of the universe, it all doesn’t matter. But it’s ok if it does. If this doesn’t make sense, you might need to work a bit more on the letting go part. It’s very freeing to understand that bit.

HINT HINT HINT: I run the Happiness Skills Course.