This week, I’m reflecting on being right. Let me start with connections. I think I’ve established that connections are important for happiness. Long-term connections like relationships provide us with good loads of the love (and happy) hormone Oxytocin. As a refresher, Oxytocin helps us to form bonds by developing trust. Humans are not specifically strong animals and so we thrive in groups. These groups develop because it feels good to be part of a group (not always and I’m getting to that). So, not being part of a group feels actually quite painful (aka loneliness).
Leveraging Oxytocin and making or maintaining connections, however, is hard for many people. Particularly people who like to be right. And yes, I’ve most certainly been there and come back for a visit frequently. Now, being right becomes usually important in relationships. Relationships are those connections that are supposed to provide us with lots of Oxytocin because they indicate that we belong to someone. I’m not talking (necessarily) romantic relationship here but friends and family.
Do you also constantly need to tell your mum how she is wrong about something? Or that uncle who has these racist opinions and you get into discussions every family meeting? And do you not speak to a family member or friend because they always behave “the wrong” way?
What is right and wrong?
So, back to the need to be right. Isn’t it all just perception? Aren’t these things only wrong because you think so? Maybe it’s none of your business? Or you might be backed by ethical values or a societal understanding of right or wrong but is that really important to lose the relationship over that?
What if there is no right and wrong? We could accept that the other person has an opinion or lifestyle we disagree with but we are still from the same tribe. We could leave the topic we always clash on and find common ground on another topic.
Why do we need to be right – to be better than the other? Speaking from a happiness point of view the connection is more important than being the winner. You can still inquire about the reasons your uncle (or whoever around you makes racist or discriminating comments) adopted that worldview. Just coming more from a place of curiosity than being a better human.
Am I right?