It’s been a while. I had to drop out and do life stuff… dropping weight. How? Here it goes:
First, on my last day of tutoring I made the decision to move out of my home of 11 years and become… well, homeless. After my now-ex-husband moved out 3 years ago, the rent was way too expensive for me. Particularly because I lived mostly from social welfare. But it was our home and provided the kids and me with stability through my cancer treatments, aftermath and divorce. It was our safe place, our home.
For a long time, I didn’t have energy to move out. Since I focused my energy on kids and PhD, I wasn’t able to generate much income. That left me without the option to move to a cheaper, smaller place. It’s hard to rent without income – understandably. But I couldn’t work, write PhD and take care of my kids. I was already struggling with the last 2 and my health. My eczema was really bad, my insomnia made me tired or sleep long into days and I had no energy.
After deciding to drop the PhD shortly before the end because I ran out of resources, I was able to pick up (temporary) jobs. With the diet change to paleo, I suddenly gained a lot of energy. I was finally able to apply for jobs and scored another term of tutoring. Still, I had run out of money to pay for the rent.
Oh, but I have also other plans
But now another aspect became important. Otherwise, I might have tried to keep my beloved apartment for a little longer by borrowing money before scoring a permanent job. In 2025, I want to travel with my ex and the kids through Latin America for 6 months and then stay in Germany for 3. So, by next April I would have needed to leave my place anyway. And since all resources are gone, I’d rather build up savings for the trip then having a stable home.
When my agent informed me that I have to pay 3 weeks penalty for breaking the annual lease early and I was about to go 3 weeks to Germany (where I also pay 3 weeks rent without living in the apartment), it was decided and I moved my stuff into a storage box within 10 days before flying to Germany (where I’m now).
It was very emotional for me and the kids. But I’ve packed that house up so often in my head because it was unavoidable that we have to move out sooner or later. So, I’ve dealt with the 2-3 days in which my emotions washed over me. The kids also have their dad’s place and some stability through that. But of course, this home had been their home since birth and we had to say goodbye thoroughly.
Interestingly, the decision to make myself homeless increased my energy levels further. That was good because, second, I entered also marking. In between organising and moving, I also had to do the university assessment marking marathon for my tutoring classes. It was madness.
Wind down
In the meantime, the kids and I flew to Europe and I had time to relax. My eczema is healing and I’m not thinking much further than which friends/family we’re visiting next. I booked an AirBnB for 6 nights when we’re back in Sydney and then plan some couch surfing and eventually a shared accommodation where I have a room in a boarding house or such. But that will all become important in about 10 days.
It could be gloomy but I feel that I have agency in these decisions. I feel like dropping baggage, I couldn’t carry anymore and suddenly I have space, strength and energy for the things which are important to me. Time for the kids, myself and saving for our trip.
In short, I’ve done some extremer happiness exploring… my very individual happiness.
Do you know that feeling of dropping life stuff which seems important and undropable and suddenly feeling lighter and happier?
When things became too crazy with moving and marking, breathing kept me somewhat down to earth until I was able to relax again. In 2 counts, out 4. Longer out than in activates the vague nerve and calms our nervous system. I created a few Instagram Lives about the nervous system and happiness.