Recently, I met a friend. We spend a lovely evening together talking about anything and everything. One recurring theme is how annoyed my friend is at work. She has been at her workplace for a few years now and understands how the system works well. Since there are colleagues who have joined more recently, she feels like she has to teach them how to do things. Also, she feels responsible to protect processes and do things “right”. Then she gets annoyed with herself when she lets of steam and rants to a colleague particularly if this colleague is not reacting as she wishes. I felt so sympathetic because I’ve been there.
Carrying the weight of the world
After a night’s sleep, I woke up and realised what the problem was. Well, the problem I could identify. It’s because she has a view on what’s right and what’s wrong plus she feels responsible that “right” is enforced. Leaving my poor friend alone, I move to my life now. It was the same thing I discovered in my parenting. The result was that I wasn’t fun at all. I was always nagging, correcting and complaining. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that parenting is all about having or providing fun. But if it’s based on only complaining and, well, screaming then something is surely wrong.
It was the same issue. I felt like I was responsible for everyone and everything including how other people might feel about my kids’ actions. When I discovered that many people weren’t noticing my kids’ actions which I tried to prevent or were even entertained instead of being annoyed, I started to loosen up. I mean I’m still teaching the kids how people could feel about certain things but often, I let them do stuff and rather observe than correct them all the time.
No fun at all
More importantly, I started to understand that I was really no fun at all. My ex told me that (yes, Michael, I do listen). Of course, he’s my ex for a reason but I started to see the point. Everything was so serious for me. I also realised that I was carrying the responsibility for everything on my shoulders and felt pretty weighed down. (I’m sure many of you know that feeling and how heavy it makes us.) I mean I had to be serious to get all these things done correctly. Otherwise, there would be… chaos, I guess? But the nagging and screaming didn’t help with parenting. I wondered how people actually have fun and if that would help. I hardly found anything funny. It was more silly and a waste of precious time and energy.
And then I let go of that.
Letting go and shaking off
Every time, I feel that I nag or complain, I register that negative energy. As soon as possible, I let go of it. Sometimes, I tell my kids how I feel, that it is too much for me and I need their help. Sometimes, I just skip or do something silly even though it’s a bit forced. Sometimes, I shake it off. Sometimes, I dance it off. Sometimes, I just sit and have a rest. But I let go.
I’ve been doing this for a couple of years now and I laugh so much more. I feel lighter. I’m more amused and entertained. I hardly cry. I still slip into that feeling of weight but I can get so much easier out. It’s just a stress thing. Because we take on so much responsibility, we feel that we have to control. Accepting that you can’t do that and, in most cases, nothing really bad will happen if things are not done “right” takes a lot of weight away. And suddenly you feel lighter and everything works so much better. You can even laugh again.